


Wanna Try Something New?

by Anonymous



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Bottom!Guy, Experienced!Sam, First Time, Fur Kink, Green Eggs and Ham, Guy Am I - Freeform, Guy is flustered, M/M, PWP, Pet Names, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sam I Am, Sam likes teasing Guy, Top!Sam, Verse!Sam, Virgin!Guy, a successor to my grinch smut from last year, dont take this seriously ill cry, fur pulling, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21645844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: disclaimer this is a joke its 4:30 in the morning and im dumb as all fuck.Guy and Sam spend the day at an apartment the two began renting after things fell through with Michellee. Things escalate. ;)
Relationships: Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 149
Collections: Anonymous





	Wanna Try Something New?

**Author's Note:**

> seriously im begging you not to maim me for this i promise its a joke i pr

Sam and Guy lounged at opposite ends of a roughed up cough, distasteful floral patterns splashed absentmindedly over it. Something more adult was playing on the TV, and the longer it went on, the more... heated things got.  
“Ha!” Sam laughed when the sex scene began “I remember doing that way back when people still invited me to parties!” He joked, nudging Guy with his elbow.  
But when there was silence from his friend, Sam couldn’t help but to steal a glance at Guy’s absolutely scandalized expression, looking wide-eyed at Sam.  
“...What? What’s wrong?” Sam laughed, but there was a hint of concern hidden somewhere in his tone. Guy shook his head.  
“Nothing! Nothing, just— never figured you to be the type to—“  
“Have sex...?”  
Guy’s face was beet red. “Y-Yeah, have... sex, and all that...”  
“Well I’ll have you know I was quite the dominator of the game back in my day-“  
“You’re 26!”  
“Exactly! High school was forever ago!”  
“You were having sex in high school?!”  
“You weren’t?”  
“I—“ Guy’s words were cut short, he began fumbling with his hands and looking anywhere in the room except for at Sam.  
“Wait, wait wait wait, don’t tell me... Guy, when’s the last time you’ve had any action?”  
Guy mumbled something under his breath, still fidgeting.  
“Sorry?”  
“Never!” Guy yelled, Sam guessed more out of embarrassment than anger.  
“Never? Really?” Sam smiled, trying desperately to hide the laugh caught in his throat.  
“No, Sam, never...” Guy ended his statement by hiding his face in his hands.  
“Hey, I’m not making fun of you! Just wouldn’t have expected you to be a virgin, is all.” Sam shrugged.  
“Like you said, you’re the only friend I’ve ever had...”  
“But, Michellee?”  
“Wouldn’t let me even hold her hand half the time.”  
“Ouch.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Well... have you ever even wanted to have sex? At all?” Sam asked, looking back towards the TV, but more focused on Guy.  
“I mean... I’ve thought about it...” Guy said, making it sound like an excuse for having never actually done it.  
“With who?”  
“I don’t know, it was more just... doing it, not who it was with...” Guy seemed to be more at ease, getting a little more used to the conversation topic, and more comfortable watching the TV now that it has simmered down.  
“Well, I, for one, am into men,” Sam wiggled his eyebrows at Guy playfully, earning him another scandalized look, though this one was more irritated than anything. “So,” Sam started again, “What about you?”  
“I guess... I like men, women, anyone else... never really mattered to me.” Guy responded, his tone still a little off.  
“So ya like anyone, but don’t know who you wanna fuck?” Guy’s fur stood on end at Sam using such language. “Oh, c’mon, I know you swear like a sailor, don’t gasp at me, amigo,” Sam rolled his eyes and chuckled. He had a point, though.  
“I guess, if—if I were to, um, you know, do it, I guess it’d be with, uh, any gender...”  
“Great! Good for you! So why haven’t you, again?”  
“Sam!”  
“Hey, really, I’m just asking! You don’t have to have friends to hookup or anything, you know.”  
“Yeah, I know, I just... I don’t even know how to do it or what it feels like and—“  
Sam gasped. “Okay, being a virgin is one thing, but really? Not even knowing how it works? Do you at least know how to masturbate or are you just that sheltered?” Sam snorted.  
“Firstly, no, I’ve never masturbated, Sam. Second, I’ve got the basic gist of it, I just... Don’t know the specifics, okay?” Guy said, rather defensively.  
“Why have you never asked? Looked it up? Anything?”  
“What’s the point? I had no one to do anything with, and for all I know it wouldn’t even feel that great.” Guy sounded defeated.  
“Wouldn’t feel that great? Guy, are you kidding? It’s one of the best feelings ever! You’ve really gotta try it, as soon as possible. Seriously.”  
“Yeah? Well like I said. I’ve got no one to do anything with.”  
Sam mulled over this for a minute. He then ran a finger along Guy’s thigh, snapping him out of his thoughts and onto Sam.  
“What are you doing?” Guy asked, just the slightest bit aggressively. Sam pulled his hand back.  
“If, you know, you don’t know how to do any of that, I could maybe...” Sam hesitated, “Help out?”  
Guy’s eyes went wide, his face turning back to crimson.  
“If you want, of course!”  
Guy couldn’t speak at first, only letting out strangled Um’s and Uh’s.  
“Guy...?” Sam cocked his head to the side.  
“Y-Yes!” Guy choked out. “I, u-uh, I don’t know what to do, but I—“  
“That’s why I’m helping, dummy!” Sam laughed, but his voice was soft. “Now, lean back, easy,” Sam guided Guy down into a lying position, hand on his chest.  
“Isn’t this weird? We’re friends, this isn’t gonna—?”  
Now isn’t the time for confessions, thought Sam.  
“‘Course not! If my buddy wants to try something new, I’m the guy—or Sam— to go to!”  
Guy, in all his swirling emotions and thoughts, managed one last grunt of irritation at Sam’s dumb jokes.  
“N-Now what?” Guy was lying on his back, Sam straddled on top of him.  
“What are your limits?”  
“What?!”  
“Okay, basic rules, uh... got any?”  
“Not That I-I can think of?” Sam knew Guy was fairly clueless, so he mentally came up with some of his own.  
Sam looked down at Guy, at his flushed expression, feeling his chest moving under his hand as he panted slightly. Sam felt a heat swirl in his lower stomach.  
“Alright, then...” Sam’s usual cheery tone was replaced now with a more lustful kind. He leaned down into Guy’s neck, letting out a hot breath sending shivers up his spine. “Are you okay with this?”  
“Y-Yes,” Guy panted.  
Sam nodded and began kissing on Guy’s neck, running his hand very gently along the brown fur on Guy’s arm, warming him up to the tough. Guy moaned a little, hand shooting up to cover his mouth and earning a giggle from Sam.  
“It’s okay, you're allowed to make sounds. It's actually the common thing to do,” Sam reassured him, getting a whine in response.  
Sam trailed kisses along Guy’s chest and stomach, down his thigh. He rested a hand between Guy’s legs, looking up for permission. Guy nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure of how two men could get it on, but he did know that he trusted Sam, and he wouldn’t hurt him. He felt comfortable and safe with him, even as vulnerable as he was now.  
Sam parted Guy’s legs, kissing his inner thigh and groin and getting a louder moan from who he’d wished was his lover.  
“Okay, this might feel weird at first but, I promise it’ll feel good too, okay?” Guy nodded again, and Sam began removing his fur-colored pants, revealing the pink-tipped dick underneath. It was actually quite impressive, bigger than what Sam had expected, and he hadn’t expected any small member. He admired it, just long enough before Guy began shifting uncomfortably at the cold that was now hitting his exposed member.  
Sam spit on his hand and began pumping his cock, slowly but expertly. Guy’s breath hitched, followed by a sharp gasp. Sam smiled.  
“You doin’ alright so far?” He asked, met with a shaky “Yes,” from Guy.  
Sam stroked it a few more times before picking up the pace just a bit, savoring how Guy looked, the sounds he was letting out — Sam was used to guys trying to keep their voice down, but something about the way Guy was caught between wanting to embrace the moment and being too embarrassed to make a sound was completely arousing and absolutely delicious.  
Sam stopped for a moment, running his tongue along the tip of the member, causing Guy to buck his hips up wantonly. Sam held him down.  
He began lapping at the tip, feeling how hard Guy was and loving every second of it. He tasted even better than his favorite meal.  
He took the cock down his throat, getting an even bigger reaction from Guy this time, a loud and strangled moan followed by gripping the blanket on the couch.  
Sam sucked it, speeding up and slowing down, swirling his tongue expertly at the tip. Guy was a mess by now, panting and shaking and achingly hard. Sam could tell he was getting close, and picked up the pace.  
Not a second later, Guy grabbed Sam’s hair and bucked his hips up into Sam, keening. Thick white cum hit the back of Sam’s throat as he slowed his pace to a stop, taking in the moment. When Guy finally came down from his high, chasing the last bit of pleasure, he came to his senses.  
“Sam, I— I’m sorry, I didn’t—!”  
Sam quieted him. “Hey, no apologizing!“ he said, slipping Guy’s pants back on rather quickly.  
Guy whined.  
“How was that?”  
“You... you were right, I-I get why you were doing this all the time “back in your day”, wow...” Guy trailed off.  
“Yeah, and that’s not even the best of it! Wait til you see what else we can do—“ Sam stopped himself.  
“What?”  
Sam thought how to ask. “I-I mean, if... if you ever wanna do something like this again, I’m open, you know?” He smiled and shrugged.  
“O-Oh, yeah! Sure...!” Guy nodded, taking Sam by surprise a bit.  
“So... wanna finish the movie, or...?” Sam asked playfully.  
Guy laughed. “Sure thing, Sam.”  
“Would it be weird if I...” Sam felt hesitant, “I mean if Michellee couldn’t, I can, I got farther than she ever did and—“ Guy grabbed Sam’s hand, holding it tenderly.  
Sam’s expression melted into something warm.  
An awkward one-timer or not, Sam really did have feelings for Guy. He loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> if any of yall mfs hit me with a “what the fuck is this fr” im eating you alive


End file.
